Reflection
Although this may come off as a bizarre post that i am going to share today but i believe it is an issue worth for us to take a step back and dwell upon.
A year ago after my A-levels examination, i have partook in many different aspects of jobs ranging from administrative office work to retail to food and business(F&B) and i would say my short one-month stint at Toss&Turn Salad Bar has definitely got to be the most thought-provoking one.
To put it simply, my job description was rather straightforward; scoping the salad dishes as requested by the customers. What sorely triggered me during this whole month of experience was watching a handful of thin skeletal body frame women with serious deep sunken eyes and hollow cheeks patronizing the shop at almost a daily basis. The portion they ordered was miserably small(few did not even finish their bowl!) and it was disheartening to witness this blinded mass of individuals obsessive of attaining a 'slim' body is slowly transcending into young teenage girls today.
The first thing that struck my mind was what has the media been truly feeding our impressionable youngs with? Certainly, the ubiquitous presence of powerful media platforms such as TV, google and facebook with commercials harping on the best remedies for weight loss, skinny models strutting down the walkway on reality shows , online blogshop models jumping on the bandwagon of 'eating clean' (which unconsciously seeing themselves starving to achieve that 'perfect' figure) creates this new obsession of becoming thin.
Personally as a teenage girl, i cannot deny that this negative media influence is efficacious and it has impacted my health to a certain extent. I used to survive on eating only a small portion of fruits and vegetables daily which made me feeling weak and lethargic for the entire day. My immune system fell and my parents grew increasingly worried. Knowing that this extreme eating habit is definitely not realizing, i was sensible and quick enough to switch to a proper diet everyday with adequate amount of exercise. After this incident, i become aware that there are many different possible avenues to adopt a healthy lifestyle and starvation is truly not the only option. On the other hand, we youths should learn to suppress the growing pressure of being socially accepted within us because ultimately, there is no one true definition of beauty. Instead, embracing ourselves, accepting our flaws and appreciating our inner beauty to me is what that matters.
Your writing has clearly described your experience and presented your thoughts. I truly agree with your point that we should accept our own flaws and appreciate the beauty that is within us. Starvation should never be an option to lose weight, and you have made the right choice.
ReplyDeleteDear Angela,
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing with me of the situation that you encountered during work and your personal experience. I could imagine how skinny of those people having only veggies. I like the way you described the situation, making it more interesting and attractive to read. Also, you have related the situation and your personal experience well.
For your personal experience, I believe that the incident has given you great insights on how significant to keep yourself a balanced diet. I totally agree with you - appreciate inner beauty! 'A great figure is nice, but it's the self-confidence that makes someone really beautiful'.
It is enjoyable in reading your blog entry. Well done on the reflective writing! Looking forward to your next writing. :)
Angela,
ReplyDeleteContent and organisation: Thanks for sharing your thoughts on a truly problematic issue in our society. Like your blogging buddies, I enjoyed reading your post. You articulated ideas well by using a very good range of very appropriate vocabulary, and sentences are generally well written. Not only were your ideas presented logically from past, present and future, but you also began the reflection in a attention-grabbing manner. You made me want to read more to find out what you wanted to share. Angela, you are a good writer. Great job!
Language: Pay attention to the following:
1. sentence structure: Although…no but…
Although this may come off as a bizarre post that i am going to share today but i believe it is an issue worth for us to take a step back and dwell upon.
2. Word order of question (Question marker + V S O)/statement (SVO)
The first thing that struck my mind was what has the media been truly feeding our impressionable youngs with?
You cannot begin a sentence as a statement and finish it as a question.
3. Meaning is unclear--perhaps it is due to the wrong use of the word 'realising' in this sentence.
Knowing that this extreme eating habit is definitely not realizing,
4. SVA: You listed three ideas here.
Instead, embracing ourselves, accepting our flaws and appreciating our inner beauty to me is what that matters.
Hi Dr Misty,
ReplyDeletethanks for your comments! I believe there are a lot more for me to learn from your lessons. I will take note and work on the following errors :)
Language: Pay attention to the following:
1. sentence structure: Although…no but…
Although this may come off as a bizarre post that i am going to share today but i believe it is an issue worth for us to take a step back and dwell upon.
Correction: Although this may come off as a bizarre post that i am going to share today, i believe it is an issue worth for us to take a step back and dwell upon.
2. Word order of question (Question marker + V S O)/statement (SVO)
The first thing that struck my mind was what has the media been truly feeding our impressionable youngs with?
You cannot begin a sentence as a statement and finish it as a question.
Correction: Maybe I will just omit the first part of the question so that it will become a logical rhetorical question? i.e. What has the media been truly feeding our impressionable youngs with?
3. Meaning is unclear--perhaps it is due to the wrong use of the word 'realising' in this sentence.
Knowing that this extreme eating habit is definitely not realizing,
Correction: Realising that this extreme eating habit is definitely not achievable, i was sensible and quick enough to switch to a proper diet everyday with adequate amount of exercise.
4. SVA: You listed three ideas here.
Instead, embracing ourselves, accepting our flaws and appreciating our inner beauty to me is what that matters.
Sorry Ms Misty, I don’t quite get the mistake here :/
Angela, you are very welcome indeed Great job on the corrections! See my feedback below:
ReplyDeleteLanguage: Pay attention to the following:
1. sentence structure: Although…no but…
Although this may come off as a bizarre post that i am going to share today but i believe it is an issue worth for us to take a step back and dwell upon.
Correction: Although this may come off as a bizarre post that i am going to share today, i believe it is an issue worth for us to take a step back and dwell upon.
Misty: Correct--great job.
2. Word order of question (Question marker + V S O)/statement (SVO)
The first thing that struck my mind was what has the media been truly feeding our impressionable youngs with?
You cannot begin a sentence as a statement and finish it as a question.
Correction: Maybe I will just omit the first part of the question so that it will become a logical rhetorical question? i.e. What has the media been truly feeding our impressionable youngs with?
Misty: Correct--great job. The other option is:
The first thing that struck my mind was what has (delete 'has') the media HAS been truly feeding our impressionable youngs (UNCOUNTABLE) with (TRY NOT TO FINISH SENTENCES WITH PREPOSITIONS BECAUSE THEY ARE USED TO LOCATE TIME/TIME, THERE IS NOTHING TO LOCATE AT THE END OF SENTENCES. CLEAR)?
LIKE THIS: The first thing that struck my mind was what the media HAS been truly feeding our impressionable young.
3. Meaning is unclear--perhaps it is due to the wrong use of the word 'realising' in this sentence.
Knowing that this extreme eating habit is definitely not realizing,
Misty: realising is not a describing word.
Correction: Realising that this extreme eating habit is definitely not achievable, i was sensible and quick enough to switch to a proper diet everyday with adequate amount of exercise.
Misty: Correct--great job
4. SVA: You listed three ideas here.
Instead, embracing ourselves, accepting our flaws and appreciating our inner beauty to me is ARE what that matters.
Sorry Ms Misty, I don’t quite get the mistake here :/
embracing ourselves, accepting our flaws and appreciating our inner beauty (3 IDEAS) + ARE
CLEAR?